On being shortlisted and baby steps..

So, I have mentioned this before how writing has become an important part of my life. The past few years of my life have been messy.I have been drowning in an ocean of failures. Starting this blog and writing became my safe haven. I have been writing my whole life in one way or another but after starting this blog I realized just how much I enjoy it (as I haven’t been enjoying anything else). With this realization, began this new hope that maybe I can take writing to a bigger level. So, I started searching for writing competitions. For a person who had been so depressed and thought so small of herself to compete with anyone, this was a big step! Competitions were triggers for panic attacks. After a long time, I had the courage to fight again.

So, yes I entered a short story competition and sent some pieces to magazines. I got passed on by a few. But it didn’t bring me down which was, again, encouraging. To say I entered this competition and forgot about it would be wrong. I waited for the results badly. When I sent the story, I got the reply from the editor that it was a “Powerful” story. That made me so happy and also hopeful. I didn’t expect it to be in the top 3, but I did hope to make it to the “honorable mentions”. I wanted a win so badly.

When I say badly, it means that the deadline for the entry was Sep 15, I waited for it and after it every day I waited for an email. I know it’s crazy, but that’s how badly I wanted a hope. In this time, I realized that in my school and college life I knew where I was because  I had a base to step on and move forward. A base of achievement and confidence that I am able; I am worthy. This basis made me take risky decisions; unsafe decisions, because I believed in myself, I believed that I could handle it.That basis got shattered  in university and I fell face down into despair and self-doubt. I wanted a little achievement to build the basis again.

And then I got it, the email, telling me my story was shortlisted in the contest.

they-can-because-they-think

It took me back to my early teens. I had a big fat book of quotations which belonged to my father. It was my best friend.I used to spend hours reading quotations on Life, Love, Friendship, Confidence, Faults, Self-doubt, Anxiety and whatever was the problem of the day. It helped me to process. So, I remembered this above mentioned quote and I thought that I had stopped believing in that. For a long time, I stopped doing a lot of things because I never thought I could. Now, this got me thinking maybe I can?

Of course, there is this other half of my brain. The doubtful part of my brain.(yeah it’s always there :S) it asks me if I can? If I was really worth it? Or I will be worth it in the future.But then I shut it and try to concentrate on the present. This is a long journey and I’m taking baby steps.I am really happy about this first step.

The present is that my short story was shortlisted in the Brilliant Flash Fiction freestyle Writing Competition 😀

This story is close to my heart and now always will be 🙂

You can read it here.

I’d love to get feedback from you guys. Good and bad both.

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